If you think that it’s easy for me to be confident, courageous,
and feel good about my body, the reality used to be a complete opposite.
When I was little, I had a dream to be a model. I love beautiful clothes, and I thought wouldn't it be wonderful to be a model, so you get to try many beautiful dresses. And as a model, you got to travel often which also aligned with my ultimate dream to travel the world!
But my dream was impossible to be achieved because I didn't fit in the standard type of beauty, and my family wouldn't support this dream either.
My brown tanned skin isn't favoured and considered to be beautiful in Indonesia; I have a typical non-pointed Asian nose; and as you can see on the photo below, I don't have the ideal height to become a model.
During art performance, my teacher would always place me in the front row, as I was the shortest. Yep, I'm the one from the second left.
Cat-walking in front of my friends in kindergarten.
Growing up I found it difficult to feel good and confident about myself.
For years I blamed my body for not fulfilling the beauty standard as the reason for me to hardly have a fulfilling romantic relationship, and have the confidence that I wished I had.
There were times where I used to apply a whitening body scrub every day and only put moisturiser that promised a white skin. Hoping that I'd be more confident with myself.
Things get tougher when I was 19 years old (2009), a year after my mom passed away, as I found out that I have scoliosis. Not only my spine is bent like an S letter (the curvature has reached 35 degrees), it was also rotated.
X-ray result of my spine in 2009.
A Challenging Health Imbalances
Due to this condition, I wasn't comfortable to sit straight for more than 10 minutes as my spine would start to hurt. I even convinced my dad to buy me that "as seen on tv" spine traction machine, but that still didn't change anything.
The doctor's diagnosis and advice didn’t help to build my positivity either. They said that each year the curvature would increase and the pain would only become worse. It also means that I’d get shorter as time goes by due to gravity.
The only thing that can help to prevent the increase of the curvature of my spine is to use a brace. But unfortunately, it's not a sustainable solution either.
Besides the fact that it’s not comfortable, I learnt that it wouldn’t correct the imbalance significantly.
The doctor also said that once the curvature reaches 40 degrees, the only ‘cure’ is to perform a spine surgery, where they’ll insert a metal rod on my spine to straighten it.
And example of a scoliosis brace.
The metal rod along the spine to fix scoliosis.
When I heard that, I lost hope that I’d ever feel truly happy with my body, and my life. Not only the surgery is expensive (at that time, it cost more than $10,000, which I couldn't afford), it also has a high risk. Since our spine is the 2nd part in our body that has the most nervous system, if they screw up, worst-case scenario, I might not be able to walk again.
As if it can’t get worse with how I already perceive myself and my life, a year after I found out about my scoliosis (2010), I gained weight (7 kgs!) and for the first time, I got acne breakout. This happened after I lived abroad for three months. And knowing what I now know, it’s due to the diet and lifestyle that I had there. I have a limited amount of finance to support my study abroad, so I needed to eat as cheaply as I can!
Back in 2010 (left), and after applying the principles of Ayurveda (right), on weight loss and diet for my body type.
I never knew that my diet & lifestyle could give a tremendous effect to my acne. No make-up or digital edit on the right photos.
Being single for a long time, it was easy to blame my dark skin, my height, my weight, and my acne for the misery of feeling unloved. I thought to myself, “If I don’t even feel comfortable with who I am, who would?”
But miraculously, this misery began to shift in 2012. The year where my transformation began.
The Turning Point
In 2012, I decided to take a break from law school. I lost my passion for the subject and felt confused about where I was and what I wanted to do in my life. I felt the need to pursue something that can bring happiness back into my life.
Gladly, I got an opportunity to move to Ubud - Bali, for a teaching job. My move to Ubud was more than just for work purpose.
It was a chance for me to figure out my life, and find myself again. It was about finding the love that I thought I lost: the love that I have for myself and the love that I receive from others.
Couple of weeks before my teaching job ended, I met a man and his name is Kimmana. Amongst the many things that he's expertise at, he introduced me to a healing system called Ayurveda.
And this is when the transformation began.
Ayurveda is the miracle that created the transformation in my life, which is the core of what I'm sharing here.
Fast forward to now, I'm trained in Ayurveda and Yoga therapy, also certified in various bodywork techniques.
When it comes to my healing, I now rarely feel the usual pain along my spine (and it looks incredibly straight!). My weight came back to the healthier side, and my skin cleared up. And most importantly, every time I look at myself in the mirror, I no longer wished that I can be somebody else. I'm happy to be born as me!
Four years transformation of my spine. No digital edit or manipulation done to these photos.
CERTIFICATIONS & COURSES
ACADEMIC BACKGROUND & ACHIEVEMENTS
My Offering for You
I always thought that there must be a reason why I live. I don’t think I was born to merely follow the typical path of going to school, get a job, get married, have kids, and die.
For years I wonder why was I born in my family with its way of upbringing and values. I didn’t choose to be a citizen of a third world country, and yet I get to travel the world, an experience that many Indonesian could only dream of.
I also know that there are many people out there who might not be as lucky as I am — receiving the right support system for my healing process.
Which is why I found my calling.
Through my work, I'd like to share with you the secrets and tools that have changed and improved my life tremendously. The combination of timeless wisdom and modern knowledge that I learned from many great teachers around the world, which has shifted my life to a state where I never thought was possible.
In short, my role here is to share back what I received with you. Connecting you with the wisdom that not many people has access to, and make it even more applicable in this busy, modern living.
After all, what makes life meaningful is our ability to share with others.
The lovely souls who came to my very first Ayurvedic Beauty workshop in 2016, in Bandung - Indonesia.
Group photo at the end of my very first Soul Purpose workshop in 2016, in Jakarta - Indonesia.